Accepting and Coping with Menopause Anxiety: A Personal Journey

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Ever feel like you can’t cope with life’s challenges the way you used to? Are you crippled by endless worrying and constantly scanning for danger? If you are a woman in her forties or fifties you could be experiencing anxiety in menopause. This is my personal journey of accepting anxiety as part of the menopause experience and developing the capacity to cope with these strong emotions.

The shame of not coping

I began worrying constantly about small things and was getting more and more agitated and anxious

As a busy teacher in her forties with three teenage children and lots of extra commitments, life was enjoyable but pretty hectic. Then things started to change. I began worrying constantly about small things and was getting more and more agitated and anxious. I kept feeling like I was about to walk a tightrope over the Grand Canyon or something. I started to get heart palpitations which really freaked me out. What was wrong with me? 

After a range of tests with nothing amiss my GP just put it down to stress. End of story? Not exactly. 

My anxiety continued to build over the next few years. It’s weird to think back on it now but I just kept it to myself. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t coping anymore. I felt like there was something wrong with me. A defect of some kind. This shame kept me silent.

Anxiety in menopause. It’s officially a thing!

I can remember very clearly the day I heard an interview on the radio with GP Dr Nicola Gates who had written a book on helping women navigate the menopause experience. She began discussing anxiety and heart palpitations as common menopause conditions. I nearly fell over. They could have been talking about me. 

Until that point I thought heavy periods and hot flushes were the main challenges in the lead up to menopause. I bought her book the next day and devoured it. I had an enormous sense of relief that my experiences were being validated and were shared by others. But I also felt frustrated that I had been suffering for years in a kind of wilderness.

Can I trust my mind anymore?

My mind had become my enemy and the only way I could see was to fight the fear

I’d like to say that from that day on my anxiety was sorted. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. What followed was a journey to identify and understand all the negative beliefs and unhelpful mental habits that had become established in the last few years. These contributed to my anxiety and escalated my fear of fear. 

My mind had become my enemy and the only way I could see was to fight the fear and build in more and more controls to block it. For me that was over-exercise (read - exercise helps reduce anxiety), inflexible, obsessive eating regimes and a bedtime routine that was rigidly adhered to. 

Add a pandemic with job loss, isolation and uncertainty. It wasn’t pretty.

No need to be afraid of my emotions

With the help of my team I was able to stop running and turn and face my anxiety and be curious about it

Gradually I pieced together a team to support me. This was a combination of personal and professional support. They included my partner (my greatest advocate), two trusted friends, massage therapist, professional herbalist, GP, wellness coach, yoga teacher, and counsellor. 

With the help of my team I was able to stop running and turn and face my anxiety and be curious about it. To learn to let go of the fear and recognise there is no need to fear my emotions. 

Sounds easy? It’s not. 

With the help of my team, time and a commitment to regular mindfulness practice I found a path out of constant fear. It will probably remain ‘the wounded place’ within me. But I can now sit with strong emotions when they occur. I can observe them and let them pass. They are not who I am.

Summary

Anxiety in menopause is experienced by many women. Notice any changes to your ability to cope with life and seek out the help and support you need. This article is about my personal experience with menopausal anxiety. How I created a wellness team around me and found a pathway out of fear.

References/Citations

Gates, N. (2019) The feel good guide to menopause. Sydney, N.S.W.: ABC Books.

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